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Was just talking to Yasminah at 6am,
she was reminding me of some of the things that occurred from our childhood in the basement at "The Building"
She remembers Hamza being tied to a tire in the basement and getting beat and she remembers always wanting to hang out at my mom's house, because my mom didn't beat her kids, she would at most tap us with a rolled up newspaper. I thought that was funny, I thought she hung out at my mom's house to be with me. hahah
Anyway, she makes me remember alot of thing I forgot
I am not haunted by as much as she is,
I told her it could be because I have this blog and I have pretty much exposed everything of my childhood in here, and that has helped me over the years There is still one thing that still bothers me and that is the fact that my mom still associates with her ex husband, who molested me as a child. Me and my mom are really close, but it bugs me that he sometimes stays at her house.
It makes me feel like the only person I can really depend on to protect me is myself and I have felt that way since the day he molested me. That's probably why I learned to comfort myself with food, and why I still use that as a comfort mechanism. I remember stealing candy bars from the local grocery store, and hiding in the closet eating them when i was like 11 years old.
But other than that I feel like all my past traumatizations are expelled from me and in this blog and I don't feel like they will affect my future. She feels like all the secrets she has prevents her from having heatlhy relationships, she feels dirty. I use to feel that way. But I haven't since I started this blog.
She wants to write a book but that could be dangerous.
On another note:
You know as much as alot of websites all over the internet disparage the Sheikh, I remember life getting a little bit better once our parents started following his leadership.
#1 - I think the people in our muslim community had to stop torturing lil boys like Hamza. #2- I seem to remember the Sheikh giving an edict that the polygamous marriages would cease if the husbands could not financially care for all their wives. This was probably, complete guessing on my part, after numerous wives complained of their husband taking on multiple wives when they couldn't afford their original family. I remember hearing about that and even though I was not even at the age of puberty, it made me happy. I didn't want to have to be married in a polygamous family and still dont want to.
#3 - We all were told to move out of that miserable building in Detroit, that is when my family (my mom, her children, her husband, his 2 other wives and their children) moved to New Orleans
#4 - Adult were held more accountable for their actions. For example, my stepmother was violent against my mother repeatedly. This caused parts of my childhood to be violently traumatic. You can't imagine what it's like to watch your mother get kicked in the belly, while she is pregnant and sleeping. My step father told my stepmother to stop. I remember we later made a trip to New York , where my stepmother was publically whipped for disobeying her husband because of that violence. At the time I was a kid maybe 12 years old, and we all , the public (about 30 or more women and children), had to shout at her "shame on you". I remember feeling a mixture of fear and being happy that she was finally getting her due.
#5 - Adults had to get jobs and get educated. No living on welfare.
I just remember life getting a tad better than it had been previous to the Sheikh arrival, I just want to put that on the record.
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